Disoriented dried up dead frog

My blog has moved

2006-11-18T12:02:00.000-08:00

Hey kids,

I've moved my blog onto myspace.com

http://blog.myspace.com/charityborgphotography

I can't find beatles songs

2006-09-21T13:40:00.000-07:00

So I have these free downloads and I can not find any beatles songs. I need one for my cousin's wedding DVD presentation I am making her. I have a few Beatles songs from other downloads and Sgt. Pepper. I am looking for "I will" or something like that. I suppose I will just ahve to keep digging around. Instead I am downloading ABBA. Yes, ABBA. I am not insane, really.

I am in the process of changing the photos on my website but I need permission from my cousin. But aren't they cute?

I have my idea

2006-09-15T22:08:00.000-07:00

I have my idea for how I am going to make some money at this photo business. I am looking for female models even if you hate all things model I can make anyone look sexy and good. No nudity or anything. I can not say anything here just in case there are some spies. Now I sound like some perv. E-mail me.

Red light district

2006-09-03T21:10:00.000-07:00

What does this photo say to you?

One more wedding to go

2006-09-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

This Sept. 9 is my final wedding of the season and it has been the wedding I have looked forward to the most because I get to call the shots. It's my cousin's wedding and she is going to be a real cutie. I'm getting nervous though. I really hope to hear back from my second shooter. I have a back-up plan if she does not get back to me. I fear going to a wedding without back-up. My theory with photography is have two of everything. No questions asked. I don't want to explain why there were no formals because one of my cards fucked up. With a second shooter it is insurance that in case one card fucks up then there is something from the shoot.

I took some cool photos today for my photo class. After a wedding I am not highly motivated to pick up my camera for a few days. I mean I had three weeks to get my photo assignment done, however I didn't bother getting going on it until today. The asssignment is due in two days. I think I will go outside to paint by light this evening. It is my favourite lighting technique as not many people use it in comparrison to other techniques.

I am thinking of getting a bank loan to upgrade my equipment and for advertising in 2008. I think I need $15,000 to cover the expense of a new SLR, Bridal Fantasy and a studio light. The camera will be at least half of that expense. To the bank I go. I'd rather have a bank breath down my neck than a government agency after I saw what my photographer friend has gone through. The bullshit there is. Oy.

Poor Harry died. He was overweight but he had a happy life. My mother was devastated because he was her baby. I'm sure he's in cat heaven getting lots of brushes and cat treats.

Snakes on a muthafuckin' plane

2006-08-17T19:26:00.000-07:00

So Snakes on a Plane comes out tomorrow. At first I thought it was the dumbest idea ever and now I really want to see it. Why? Because it is a bad movie to begin with which therefore makes it brilliant. With a title like Snakes on a Plane you have your expectations set out. Simply it is a movie with a bunch of snakes that happen to get on a plane. How the snakes get past airport security is beyond me but in camp films details like that are not important. What is important is a bunch of snakes get on a plane and all hell breaks loose. Count me in!

Harry is not doing well

2006-08-05T21:57:00.000-07:00

Harrison is really sick and is probably going to die. He's my parents cat that I met when I was 13. He was a cute orange fluff ball when I met him a few weeks after he was born. He lived under a big yellow gas tank with his brothers and sisters. My mom's cat she had since university had since died so she was looking for a new companion to move in. Almost every barn cat was invited into the house at some point but Harry was the friendliest of the bunch and he made his way into the home. He was a cat who really enjoyed eating. I think by the time he was two he weighed in at 20 lbs. but was muscular. That soon turned into fat as he tried to emulate Garfield. Harrison had a personality that some cats have. He liked to do evil things for fun so him and I got along great. He loved getting his fur brushed and would only let me trim his clumpy fur out. I love the little guy and I hope he pulls through.

My sister told me that mom said he wasn't eating. Mom thinks he's going to die and she is likely right. I hope he dies peacefully in his sleep. I want to be able to pet him before he goes. I'm very upset that he might not make it. Maybe I should go to my parents tomorrow to see if I can help Harry in some way. He is 12 but I don't think it is his time yet. He has lots of birds to torture yet.

I care more about pets than I do about people. Pets are always honest and never mean to hurt you. They do not lie, they do not play mind games. They always comfort you when your life is going down the gutter. When I lost my job Lily and Rosie actually got along and cuddled with me the whole day through as I cried. They consoled me in no way a human possibly could. Harry has helped me through some shitty times in my life and I want to be able to help him in some way.

If a bride has fake boobs...

2006-08-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

... how do you know for sure. I, like many other people who like to make stuff up to make life interesting, play the game are they real or not. After a streneous 16 hour day of shooting on Saturday the head photographer asked me if I thought the bride's boobs were real or not. I said no, they did not look proportionate to her belly. I swear her wait was like 24 inches and her boobs were like a double D. I mean it is possible to have boobs in that proportions. My photographer said she had hugged the bride the night before and she felt hard against her body as opposed to soft.

Do you ask? You can't. That is just plain rude. The bride was from a background where fake boobs are affordable and she did seem like the type who would want fake boobs. Maybe we were just really freakin' tired from the whole day. It took me two days to recover from shooting this wedding and I was questioning what the hell I am doing getting into wedding photography. It isn't nearly as profitable as stock photography or as steady. But then again in stock photography how many fake boobs are there?

Where is the creativity

2006-07-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

I have a beef about wedding photographers who use "journalistic" style. I have decided I hate that term. There is nothing newsworthy about a wedding, usually. Yes, it is a very important day in a person's life and it is a happy and fun occasion. I thought that would be how I would describe my style. I have decided that from this point forward that term is no longer going to be attached to my work unless I am shooting as a journalist. Number one, photojournalists have to get names for everyone in the photo. No questions asked. At least the dominant subject. Secondly, if it was a spot news type photo or a sports photo there is the risk of injury. Safety should always be the top concern but sometimes the scanner has very little detail. Like one time there was this armed robbery and I was debating going out to take some photos because the suspects were racing through the area. I was interested in taking photos of the shot up police vehicle on location with the shaken officer. I can not imagine what was going through the officiers mind as we listened to him calling for back-up because bullets were flying at him. I decided to play wuss and listen to the scanner in the office than try to get a few photos. Wedding photographers do not have to make these decisions. My other pet peeve with photography is people who claim "fine art" but I prefer that term over "journalistic". Fine art means they post-process a lot in Photoshop. I just want someone who knows how to take a good photo with proper exposure, avoiding "program" setting, and good composition. Also someone who just makes minor adjustments in Photoshop. Unless a photographer has put their hours in at a newspaper or a newswire I do NOT want the word "journalistic" attached to their name. If I have to hire a photographer I will give them a simple assignment. I will hand them a K-1000 and tell me to shoot a roll of film in my kitchen. That will be the interview and if they do a good job, they're hired. If they can not operate a K-1000 or another fully manual camera then out they go. It's just that simple. That's my rant for the day.

My feet are wet and I didn't even stick them in water

2006-07-05T20:06:00.000-07:00

The headline says it all. Pretty gross, eh? I'm rubbing my toes and they are lubricated with sweat. I want some rain. Stupid global warming. The basset hounds are refusing to move. I can't blame them. I think the three of us should jump in a wading pool to cool down in this heat. Me and the hounds.

So I went to work today and as last week I was told how good it would be to have a male worker instead of a female worker. Oh, the joy. So anyways the client's partner need someone to help with number one and number two. I don't do that. I'm sorry I did not take any training in that and I have NO desire to help other people go to the bathroom. There are people willing to do that and help with what is only natural. I am not one of them. I am not wanted there but I am not taking it personally because I can see where these people are coming from. Other than that work is great and I really enjoy helping people for a living. Three weeks in and I'm not hating it.

I met with a groom this evening and I think there is a really good chance that I will be hired for the job. I am absolutely thrilled. They are the nicest couple and I know them from my previous job.

I bid on a stupid basset hound purse on e-bay. Just what I need, more basset hounds. My dogs are the cutest in the whole world. I am such a dog mom.

Hotter than a nun's bajenga

2006-07-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

I want it to rain. I miss the rain. My lawn is yellow and it looks like it's the last days of fall because of the lack of moisture. I know I can water it but that is a dumb idea because if I water the lawn that will take a toll on water supplies on the town. Let the damn thing die. Maybe.

This week I am meeting with a couple about their wedding photos. They are good kids and I want to do a really good job for them as with anyone. I quoted them my rates for last year.

I was pissed off at my photos this past weekend at a wedding. I just spent $1,600 on a new lens only to learn that it is me who needs to hold my camera better. I really like the lens that I bought. The images are sharp. I need a monopod for weddings though. The camera body with the battery pack, flash bracket, flash, batteries and lens make the sucker about 10 lbs. I was the second shooter and I am working on resolving this issue. I have never had so many blurred photos in my life. I have worked on holding the camera differently. I hold the lens instead of the body. Ede told me the next wedding I need to lose the flash and bracket. I disagree but I will do as she wishes. It is necessary to use a flash at one stop below on a bracket to reduce shadows.

When smurfs fly

2006-06-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

My first week at my new job went well and I actually enjoyed my job. We will see how long this lasts as I hope it lasts for a long time.

I hope to hear from the bride I met with a week and a half ago although that hope is wearing thin. It is depressing but I need to work on my sales tactics. I am a terrible sales person. I know I am an excellent photographer and I have a good personality. I just don't want to see anyone get bad wedding photos. I hear so many horror stories about wedding photographers and how people get ripped off. I am not out there to rip people off and if I mess up I know I have no right to take people's money. Good word of mouth is so important to this industry. I think I have an edge simply because I have been to many events where there is only one opportunity to get the photos done right. With a wedding it is possible to re-stage things are going on but with a fire you can not ask the fire fighter to pretend to pull someone out of the fire again because you missed the shot.

Look at all the blog things I did because I was waiting for a huge download on dialup

2006-06-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

You Are an Excellent Cook

You're a top cook, but you weren't born that way. It's taken a lot of practice, a lot of experimenting, and a lot of learning.
It's likely that you have what it takes to be a top chef, should you have the desire...

Are You A Good Cook?

You're an Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urgesIf someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of storyYou can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kissesA total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

You Are Cookie Monster

Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth.
You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around.
You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking
How you life your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!"

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Time off is so swell

2006-06-17T22:24:00.000-07:00

This last week has been a real treat. I didn't really have to do anything so I didn't. I had plans to clean the closets in the house and bury the millions of Transformers boxes under the stairs and reorganize things. That didn't happen. I got distracted with working on my photography business without taking any actual photos. I worked on some images in Photoshop to see what I can do and all I have to say is thank goodness for the Internet for having so many tutorials on how to do things in PS. I made a scrapbook of wedding photos as part of my portfolio and have three photo assignments I need to do for the fun of it. Also I need to spend about $1,400 on a new lens because the ones I have are not going to cut it. The photographer I worked for told me to work on autofocus. I agreed to do so but I asked around about the 20D and sharpness. The lower-end lenses are crap and I need to upgrade to a professional lens because I can not risk a lack of sharpness. I noticed that in my photos too and was wondering what the hell went wrong. I shoot very sharp images but most of my recent work has been with prime lenses. A prime lens is not sufficient for a wedding, a zoom is an absolute. So any money I thought I was going to make this summer through assisting is going right back into equipment. So for people wondering why photographers charge so much for their professional services ask them how much they have spent on their photo set up. I'm sure between TS and I we have spent well over $10,000 on equipment and I have lost track on how much I have spent on tuition for photography courses. That's really cheap compared to the way photography used to be. The Cadillac of cameras was the Hasselblad and the basic set up for that medium format camera is about $50,000.

So other than doing fun things like accounting and photography this past week I have seen some old friends, listened to stories of secret lovers and heartbreak. It reassures me that I am fortunate to have a loving sweet man and we get along very well and love one another a whole lot. TS ran off to Montana for a week to photograph trains. It's his annual vacation away from me which is great because I think the healthiest thing to do is to take a vacation away from your lover every once in a while. I had my no boys allowed weekend with my sister earlier this year in Calgary. He's just off to do something that I have no interest in: watching trains. TS asked if I liked trains while we were checking one another out over three years ago and I said yes. I did not know to what extent though. I did not realize that he had turned his basement into a model train layout and that he endlessly works on his trains and that he will search long and hard for rare brass model trains and spend more than what I make in a month on one. Yesterday an engineer left a message on my machine describing the locomotive he was driving by the number. I would have no clue what his message meant except I know who he is and which company he works for. Everyone needs a hobby, I just wish it was a cheap hobby like a rock collection. I wish my hobby/business was cheap too. DAMN!

Working sucks ass

2006-06-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

So I quit this job I'm at. Gee, me quitting who would have thought. I'm leaving the heart stopping, exciting world of grocery retail. Who would have guessed. So next week I am taking a vacation but since I might need any extra money I have for bills it's a stay home and clean the house kind of week. Just how I've always wanted to spend my vacation. It wasn't since I was fired that I had so much time to do something. I'm going to be a major housewife to TS. He's going to get annoyed with me. But next week will give me time to get my home organized and a show wedding album. I've been meaning to do that for months now. I just need to find a half decent album to display my work in. I would love to do a scrapbook but I don't have the cash right now to put one together. I think for my cousin's wedding I will do that. So if you're reading this and know of anyone who needs a talented photographer for a very reasonable price as far as expertise goes. Please tell them to use me. PLEASE. No, I'm not desperate. Really.

Uploading, oy!

2006-05-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Right now, as I type this, I am uploading Version 3.0 of my website. I think I'm the only person who has had a website for less than a year and I already have a third version. Well since Version 2.0 I have managed to get a copy of Adobe Photoshop which is the greatest program ever for photo geeks like me. Photoshop Elements blows goats. I only have Version 7.0 of Photoshop because CS2 is just a wee bit out of my price range. Oh the geek speak. So I fixed up some photos in my portfolio to look the way they should. Also I have been doing a lot of photo work lately and I want my site to reflect recent work. So please take a look in a few hours at www.charityborgphotography.com and let me know what you think.

Last weekend the wedding went beautifully. The bride was as cute as a button. We had the most attractive bridal party on the Legislative grounds. There were about 20 couples at the Legislative grounds. If you are reading this and you want wedding photos at the Legislative grounds your photos will look like thousands of other couples. Do you really want to conform? It's a nice place but don't you want some place way cooler than that? Hire me and I can come up with some really interesting ideas. A place where politicians hang out is not my idea of romantic. How about a welding shop or with a steam train or at a mansion with a beautiful garden? The couple drinking a milkshake has been done. Sweet but done. I will shoot at the Legislative grounds but I can guarentee that they will not be the typical "stand by the pillar, stand on the stairs" photos. If you meet a photographer and that is the place they recommend do not hire them. There were a lot of photographers last Saturday that should not be doing wedding photography. First, about 50 per cent were NOT using flash fill. Then of those using flash fill they were not doing it properly. If someone is charging $3,500 for a day of photographer they NEED to know that a flash must be on a stroboframe. Besides the photographer I was hired by and I there was one out of 20 photographers who had their flash on a strobo and that was a guy shooting a model. Not a bride, a hired model. I bet those who were shooting digital were shooting in JPG, not RAW. There is a difference. A HUGE difference. I just am annoyed that I have taken the time to learn these things but people who think they don't need to are getting the business. I hate not being a good salesperson.

Aside from that T.S. and I celebrated our third year anniversary. We went to Edmonton and did the dinner and a movie thing. We saw Posiedon (or however you spell it.) I thought the plot was thin and the characters were not very well developed and they played on stereotypes. T.S. liked it. I'm sure it was better than the Da Vinci Code. I have yet to read a good review of the movie.

Also this week I was hired at a newspaper. During the interview I asked more questions than the person interviewing me. Also they had assumed I wanted the job. I turned down the job after a lot of thought. I don't get out of bed for $10/hr to write stories. I really hate writing. I had called my mom for advice and she said I should take the job. I was almost convinced I should take it but the cons outweighed the pros. For instance it was two days a week so at $10/hr I would have to work two jobs. My mom must not realize that you can really get screwed at tax time for working two jobs. I had a friend who owed $1,400 this year because she worked two jobs to survive but not enough tax was taken off. My mother is disappointed that I'm not doing journalism. I'm not. I am very happy not to be doing that. She said it could turned into more fulltime work and I could work my way up. But I applied to work at a rag and they could not meet my conditions. I could make more money working at McDonald's than writing for publication. Where would the time for my photography come in with working two jobs. Another opportunity presented itself this week too. A friend owns a company that specializes in care of elderly and disadvantaged people. Like respite type work. I would rather help people and get them out into the community than write. I am only writing such a lengthy entry today because I am waiting for things to upload. Yay, dialup. The site should be almost ready. Now to do the tests.

I think it's starting to happen

2006-05-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's patience, maybe it's talent, maybe it's me getting off my ass and doing stuff. My photography is starting to take off and I need to focus more on it. So right now I'm looking at getting a different job but I don't know if I will quit at my current job. To some satisfaction of my parental units I have a job interview working at a publication. It's the local rag and I know my presence there would be an improvement to the overall quality of the product. I'm not saying that because I have a big ego, I'm saying that because most of the time it could use someone who has a journalism background. They need someone for two or three days a week which is what I'm looking for because I need to do photography.

The other week I got a phone call from my photography instructor telling me I was talented and had great technical and wanted to get me in touch with this really good photographer in Edmonton. She was looking for another shooter with her wedding photography company because she hadn't been able to get in touch with her usual shooter. I thought it was a one day gig for $350. It turned out to be a four wedding gig at 350 a pop. Tomorrow is the first wedding I'm really excited. I hope like hell everything goes smoothly. I'm a bit nervous but I'm as prepared as I can be. I am also shooting with another photographer this summer. Ideally I would be shooting at a wedding every Saturday this summer. But it looks like I have seven weddings to shoot. Three of them I will be able to advertise with. Also to pull in some extra cash I started a website design company. It's just something to do on the side of photography. This time next year I hope to just work for myself. If I like it at the paper I will be happy to work two or three days away from home. I just don't want the bullshit that came with working at my previous papers. I'm a lot less naive than when I worked there though.

T.S. is building me a fence today. Yay!

Cough

2006-04-21T20:13:00.000-07:00

The bugger about working with the public is the amount of diseases they like to carry and share with the rest of the world. I am sick. Again. I took a sick day last month and I really do not like missing a day of pay. I was actually covering a shift for a co-worker so it would be quite pathetic if I called in sick. T.S. wonders why I get sick all the time. It's because I work with the world's dirtiest thing: money. Just think of how many back pockets a five dollar bill travels in. Think of the grubbiest person you have ever met. The kind of people who you can smell before you can see, your money goes through their hands. I don't have time to wash my hands after dealing with customers and hand sanitizer cracks my skin beyond repair. Ick.

So anyway another photographer and I have been getting together and working on our businesses. We dropped off business cards in bridal shops yesterday hoping that it will receive a response. As usual I am hooped for cash because I make crap wages and have a student loan to pay back. Starting a business sucks when you have limited moola. Photography is what keeps me going. I love the lighting class I am taking right now. Everyone in the class has beautiful work and I feel that I belong. The last class I took I was a wee bit insulted because the instructor made a joke and I'm pretty sensitive about the shit wages I make. It wasn't aimed at me but I felt a bit choked because most of the classes I have attended have professionals who make a lot of money. This class has stay-at-home moms and people who clean homes for a living so I don't feel like a lame duck. This weekend I have models for my assignment so I am thrilled with that. I think next week I would have a model but I think it might be the painting by light assignment which I can tie in with my art project for a restaurant. One of my co-workers is opening a restaurant and I asked to do the artwork. She told me what she wanted and all I need to do is go out there and do it. I will post on my website within the next month. I have given myself a deadline of three weeks to do it which is quite frankly too long to work on an assignment.

I am going to have some more tea and contemplate sleep.

Money sucks

2006-04-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

Last week I headed down to Calgary to visit my sister. We had a great time. M and I ditched our male counterparts and went shopping at places they hate to go. We went to Ikea twice and went to every kitchen/home decor place we could. I was somewhat disappointed in our venture to Calgary Co-op, mostly because the store sells the same stuff my store sells. Although I must say Calgary Co-op does not carry chicken in a can. I'm not talking about chicken flakes, I am talking about whole roasted chicken in a can. It exists. The label looks like it was last update about 40 years ago which is probably when the chicken was canned. I swear there is a warehouse full of this whole chicken in a can. Anyways I spent my mid-month paycheque on the trip. So I am broke but I had a good time. We ate sushi. I miss sushi. It is the unofficial food of Calgary after BBQ steak.

Before the trip I checked my bank account and discovered that EI had deposited about $160 in my account. I thought that it meant that everything was kosher. So imagine my discontent when I opened a letter today demanding $195 to be paid immediately to EI. It's been about seven or eight months since I got off EI. So for anyone reading this who is about to collect EI here is my advice: don't work a part-time job while on EI because you feel guilty collecting the money. Sure, look for a job but don't work a shitty part-time job. You will get screwed. It's better just to milk the system and sit on your ass watching Oprah and the Price is Right. With EI you have to report whatever money you make to them and if you're off, which you will be, they will audit you. Then even if you find money in your bank account don't spend it, like I did, because about three weeks later they will send you a bill demanding it back. This is how government programs work. The ideal situation is to get a government job so you can listen to people like me call and bitch about how disorganized they are. Oh, the other thing that annoyed me was I got a statement for someone else saying I worked at Walmart. When I called to find out why it took three days to tell me it was a typo. They didn't call it a mistake and they didn't even apologize. Just sit on your ass and do nothing. Trust me. It's better.

Pizza on the brain

2006-03-18T18:38:00.000-08:00

This week my two occupations are taking photos and making pizza. I figure if I don't get going on my photo work than I might as well get used to working in the grocery industry. I refuse to go back into the news industry even though dealing with the public is demeaning some days. So far I've been working mostly with candle light. In this photo of a daffodil I used both candle light and a technique called painting to get the look I desired. This photo is a bit distorted thanks to the conversion of RAW to TIFF to JPG for web. I like shooting in candle light because it is a very soft light and can create interesting emotions. Candle and ambient light are my favourite to shoot by because they are both challenging sources.

I've also been obesessed with pizza. I just got "American Pie" by Peter Reinhart in the mail and if you have only ate pizza joint stuff, well you might just end up turning your nose at those places. The recipes in this book are worth dying for. I made the best pizza I have ever tasted last Saturday night. I took a short cut on the dough and only let it rise for two hours. I was hungry. The best pizza dough is if you let it retard in the fridge overnight. I made my own sauce, carmelized onions, used three different cheeses and used a few more ingredients. It's damn good pizza but it takes a damn long time to make. It is worth the effort though. Any good food takes time to make.

Things that go squish in the middle of the night

2006-03-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

This week at work our meat cutter was off so people who don't know anything about meat were packaging the meat. Needless to say it is important to have a meat cutter at any grocery store that has a meat department. My co-workers did well and I managed to avoid squishing up some animal into ground meat. The produce manager and a woman fresh out of high school were doing meat. They did a good job considering their lack of a meat background. As usual I have figured out how sick work politics can get. I swear if my business ever gets to the point where I have full time employees that there will be contracts outlining expectations from both the employee and the employer. Superstore was an evil company to work for but a lot of politics were avoid thanks to the union contract the outlined what people were responsible for.

This next week I am preparing to do photos for my little brother's grad class. Normally I would try to avoid cutting a deal for portraits but these are my kinfolk from the hood. Money isn't as abundant back home as some would want. I don't want to fuck up at all. Two fools are better than one. My photographer pal and I are doing the gig together. I just need to win the lotto to afford the photography equipment I need. Unfortunately I spend all my money on food and reading materials to play the lotto. And when I'm not blowing my money on books I'm blowing it on photography.

Vampire wine is quite tasty

2006-02-26T19:27:00.000-08:00

I like to unwind sometimes with a glass of Vampire wine. Well at least this bottle. I prefer a red merlot. I barely know some wine basics. I'm sure I am not ready to appreciate a $75 bottle just yet. Most wine is suitable. If I don't like a certain kind I give it an X on the label warning me that it is to be strictly used for cooking. Today my choice is Vampire wine from Romania. Actually Transylvania. I needed a white but how can I live with myself if I bought the white bottle.

On the topic of booze there are some really good beers out there I would recommend. First Huckleberry beer is very good. T.S. and I had it while we stayed in Montana at the hotel bar. It was very good. We stayed in this nice historic hotel in Essex the Sir Isaac Walton. It's a nice relaxing getaway. I have this thing about meeting people when I travel. It's not a good trip unless I get to meet other humans. It's not about location but about the people you meet along the way. So the second beer I would recommend is Alleykat's Aprikat. So frickin' good. There are many others out there that I want to try but can't recommend just yet. I love microbreweries and the variety offered. I like strange fusions. Probably why I am a wine drinker and a sometimes beer drinker.

Stranded

2006-02-15T19:31:00.000-08:00

So I said to my co-worker today that babies are tasty. I have never eaten a human baby. But I have eaten other babies. Take veal for instance. It's delicious. Sure, the little bulls and heifers are kept in a little pen until they are sent to slaughter and they don't get to hang out with the ones deemed suited to live, blah, blah, blah. Baby cattle don't get mad cow. The good tasting beef are steers because they are usually under two years old. So maybe not everyone is a carnivore. Baby vegetables are to die for. Pea shoots. Mmm. Tiny carrots from the garden are the best. I like baby greens, little peas and fresh young vegetables. Big peas are disgusting. The fresh ones are sweet and burst as you gnash them between your molars. And what about eggs and caviar? Ova is tasty. So I have concluded that if I am in an Alive situation the first people to go are the babies. They're to little to know and they will be tender. Also there would be little fight and the babies would take up the most time and effort in keeping alive, they would be a drain on the resources. Why not?

Time to get positive

2006-02-01T08:55:00.000-08:00

It's finally February. The month I can not spell unless there is a calendar in front of me (and there is.) So this month I need to get myself composed and do the things I have been procrastinating against. I was in the shower this morning after watching some crappy show about former child stars and was thinking some of these people should get over their past and move on. Just like I should. To hell with thinking about the past. The only good things from the past are the good people you meet along the way. Other than that there is no point on dwelling on shit that happened months and years ago. I shouldn't be like a former child star. I'm only 25 and I have some time to do what I want.

My life, as usual, has been busy with work. I feel respected at my current job by my employer and the public isn't all that bad. Except for that drunk. That was funny. This man who was around maybe 45 was waiting at the customer service counter where we keep the lottery tickets and cigarettes in my store. I went over to see if he needed any help. First of all he said that he was in the army and that he saw and did things that he wasn't proud of. The booze just reeked. It was around 5 p.m. in the afternoon. Almost quitting time for me. Next he asked if I was working for free because of my name. This always irks me to no end. Sober people say this. So anyways he apologizes but in the annoying way drunks do. I ask him if he needs anything. The dude was incoherent. He wanted cigarettes and lotto tickets. He paid for them separately having forgot that he wanted both. Then he asks when I get off work. I told him 6 p.m. even though I was almost off work. He asked if I wanted to get a beer. Ew! I told him my boyfriend wouldn't like that. He said I should bring him along and he'd bring his friends. I couldn't get rid of this creep. I couldn't be rude because it's a small town and you have to be nice to idiots. Finally he left. I was cautious leaving work because I really didn't want him to see me leaving work. I swear there are more drunks at this job than when I worked at a big box. Sure the guy saw a lot of weird shit being in the military, but there are a lot of crazy things that a lot of people have seen. Maybe he should compare life stories with a city paramedic. That has got to be one of those jobs where nothing shocks you after a while.

Being 25 sucks

2006-01-22T17:23:00.000-08:00

So this week I turned 25. I can't say it was much of a celebration. I got news that I wasn't needed for wedding photography. Then T.S. and I got in a fight. I cried at work. We made up on my lunch break though. Later I found out an article I had skipped work (meaning pay) was a waste of time for a magazine. So I'm out money there. If they don't need it ever I will sell it to the competition so they'll have to revamp their story. Slaving away at a grocery store was not how I saw myself. Then again I really couldn't see myself working for the Globe and Mail either.

I'm still suffering the quater life crisis. Not much can be done.

I hate scales

2006-01-01T10:10:00.000-08:00

So for the helluvit I decided I should try my neglected scale this morning. There is a reason I neglect it because it is evil and tells me things I don't want to know. It registered at 152. I haven't been 152 for years now. I suppose it was that bag of chips, that chocolate bar, those four beers and that calorie rich dip I had for supper last night. Still it's depressing. Maybe if I put it in writing my goal is to lost 20 lbs this year so I can wear those cutesy outfits. I will not eat chocolate unless I go for a long walk and I will avoid those tasty little chips that I adore so much. I just don't want to end up like over half the customers I serve on a daily basis. Most wear over a size 16 and they buy nothing but crap. By crap I mean microwave dinners, frozen pizzas, bags of chips, and no veg. I can understand if people are strapped for cash and buy the pasta and the noodles with no veg but it costs more to buy the frozen crap. I don't think it is more expensive to eat healthy it just takes more time to prepare. People are always going through my till at work bitching about the cost of groceries except those who buy lots of vegetables and fruit. When I get home at the end of the day the last thing I have the ambition for is to cook an elaborate meal. When I'm really lazy I'll make pasta fresca. I boil some noodles, chop up a tomato, garlic, basil and mix some olive oil and salt and pepper. Top with mozzarella. Done. It takes less time than making a frozen pizza and it tastes SOOOOO much better. Come to think of it I have only tried frozen pizza once and it was abysmal. Don't eat it. So my goal this year is not to eat any greasy fast food, walk the dogs more and avoid frickin' potato chips.

I quit my job

2005-12-30T09:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I quit my job. One of them. It was uneventful and I was told I can never work at Superstore again. Oh, my feelings were hurt. Actually I was told they won't re-hire me but the first way sounds more dramatic. My boss made me give two weeks notice even though by law I only need to give one. I didn't argue. I could still use the money. Still I am free of the evil grip of Superstore. Again.

How to be evil

2005-12-23T09:12:00.000-08:00

So I've come up with a way to retaliate against customers who are going to throw a hissy fit. I don't know why I thought of it sooner because it is perfectly evil. I'm just going to respond by saying, "You really know how to make a person feel good on their birthday." Sure, it won't be my birthday but it will make them feel like the asshole that they are. So far this holiday season I have had mostly good customers exception of that one moron. I'm actually looking forward to Dec. 25-27 as a lovely time off. I have to motivate T.S. to help me clean on Boxing Day because his family is coming over. I'm piss broke again but at least this time I bought food. My credit cards are bleak but next month I should be able to make a dent in them with the government cheque everyone is getting in the mail. Life is good. I need to quit one of my jobs so I can focus on writing things. I can't do it this week. I just feel too guilty. Next week I know I won't feel guilty.

Big creepy worms

2005-12-20T19:02:00.000-08:00

I saw King Kong the other night. It was a lot better than I thought and would actually suggest it as something worth seeing. Except for the giant creepy worms. Then again worms of all kinds gross me out. Laugh if you will but worms are so creepy. Yes, many worms are harmless but I totally freak out when I see an earthworm. Maybe it has something to do with childhood memories of coming across maggots crawling all over the rotting flesh of a dead animal. Or maybe it's from the idea of tapeworms moving in your intestine and killing you. I met a guy with hookworms once and those aren't pretty either. At least a spider has a decency to poison you and you die instantly if you're lucky. Worms like to take their sweet time and make you go through agony. There are even worms that crawl under your skin and you can see them move.

So other than in that movie there are currently no other worms in my life. So work was weird. I had a co-worker go all religious on me and it freaked me out. Kind of like she wanted to show me the way. Maybe it was brought on my her asking about me living in Onoway and that I lived with my boyfriend. She said prayer worked and she challenged me to prove her wrong. Thank goodness a customer showed up because I don't have the patience to argue religion. I think whatever works for a person is up to them. My heathen athiest ways are really no different than non-heathen, non-athiest ways. How do I know that Islam isn't a better religion than Hinduism? Is one religion better than another? Is there a god? What if there are more than one god? No one really knows. I don't know who said it but we all worship money. Money is the one thing people can't seem to get enough of. Maybe money is god.

So my dog ate my cinnamon raisin bread. Herman managed to get it and he ate the whole loaf. He looked like a sausage.

I need a damn day off

2005-12-13T19:05:00.000-08:00

Today is day... 12 of work in a row and I really just want a day off. I found out I was exhausted because I got the flu. I took some of the Cold FX stuff that people buy in bulk at Superstore and dammit it works. Maybe customers aren't all bad. It's just the point one per cent who are total douche bags. Still I am looking forward to this weekend. I plan on cleaning my house and doing some baking. I'm trying to kill that extra fat I've put on but what the hell. This is the time of year for greed and indulgence. I have a jaded and cynical view of this time of year. I had an old lady go through my till who complained about how people wanted to take the Christ out of Christmas. She was buying cards. I'm sure she bought Christmas presents for people. That is one thing I don't understand about Christmas being a religious holdiay. Why must people contribute to capitalism to honour their god? Is it because three wise men showed up at the virgin birth with gifts? If that's the case maybe we should just get some gifts for children and forget the old people who have everything? Buying presents for people does not strike me as a religous thing to do? I wonder what Jesus would do if he saw people were celebrating his birthday the way they do? Probably take a toke of the herb because I would expect him to be a peace-loving hippie who rides a bike everywhere.

Then on the other hand people "give" to "causes". Sure, they're good causes and people could use an extra hand. I'm probably still hung up on when I worked at a newspaper and people were always coming in to get photos of cheque presentations. I think there is nothing more sleazy than getting free advertising for your corporation by donating a piddly sum to an organization. Or I was really annoyed the time I donated $60 worth of food to the food bank which was equal to what I spent on groceries a week and then heard the people collecting for the food bank complain that people weren't giving enough. I was insulted as I'm sure others who did the same thing were. Here's an example of things that annoy me about donations from a week ago. My friend who was working till had a customer ask if there was a Santa's Anonymous drop box at the store. My friend told the lady no, but there was a food bank drop box if she wanted. The customer was rude and asked her if she had even heard of Santa's Anonymous. Comments like that just put a person in the "Christmas spirit."

And I really don't like Christmas music. At all. I've heard it for about eight hours a day for the last 12 days and I really want to kick some ass. I hate that "Do they know it's Christmas" song. There is nothing more that annoys me than the idea of let's make everyone celebrate this Christian holiday. Maybe the same group of half-assed 80s musicians should get together and sing Do They Know It's Ramadan. I'm a hypocrite. I do celebrate Christmas but I prefer to celebrate the Winter Solstice part of it. It's really just about feasting and drinking. My life is based around feasting and drinking. If I'm in retail next December I will shoot someone. I'm sure of it.

Pizza dough killer

2005-12-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

So I thought I murdered my beautiful pizza dough but having just taken the pizza out of the oven I know I was wrong. You see I was impatient and decided to thaw my pizza dough in the microwave. Bad idea. It can kill the yeast. Luckily my crust rose in the oven but it was crappy to shape. It tastes good though. I have a really good recipe for pizza dough. I can't stand the premade crusts you can get in the store. It's like bread. Once you've made it yourself all that supermarket bread is shit, meaning it's a real pain in the ass to make when you crave bread but are too lazy to make it.

So I almost killed Herman the other day. The dork stole my calzone from my plate and he ate it. I didn't realize this but onions and garlic are deadly for dogs. That night he barfed out the biggest dog barf ever. It stank. Then he kept heaving. I didn't know what was going on. He start to go in a state of toxicity where he was shaking. I decided to look on the Internet to see if there was a cause and a solution. It was the onions and garlic in the calzone. Thankfully it was such a small amount or else I would have killed my own dog. Still I stayed with him until he stopped shaking and seemed to be his normal self again. I'm writing this to let you know that if you have a dog never ever feed it onions, garlic or chocolate. The onions and garlic could cause anemia which is really, really bad. If I had known that onions and garlic could kill a dog I would have made him drink hydrogen peroxide so he would hurl chunks right away. That's what the vet clinic told me to do when Herman stole chocolate biscotti and ate it. He vomitted right away when I did that. He was really pissed off though. The other night I was the only one allowed to go near him so I guess that makes me the dog mom.

Skipping out

2005-12-01T18:41:00.000-08:00

If any of my current bosses are reading this I could soon be out of work. I am playing hooky from work today because I had to do some research for an article that I am writing on. I skipped for that reason plus my interview is an hour and a half drive and I have to be there at 8 a.m. I was scheduled past closing shift. I called in saying I had food poisoning. I know. Bad, bad, bad. However I managed to prepare my questions and do research on the topic I am going to write a story on so I don't go in sounding like a total dumbass. This is what I get for working two jobs, starting my own business and freelancing. To feel less guilty I cleaned the house. T.S. and his sister headed down south to attend his great uncle's funeral. For skipping an eight hour shift I'm out $70, which sucks, but then again this article will net me a few hundred if it gets published. Starting a freelancing career is more important to me right now. If I can get my confidence up and just write for some publications money won't be such a concern anymore. This time next year I hope only to work outside the home for the social aspect and maybe get a family started. But maybe I should wait to start a family when I'm closer to 30. I need to see Europe first and seeing it in the geratric state isn't as fun as when you're young. I feel a bit guilty for skipping work and lying to my employer. I'm sure everyone has done it at one point or another. It's not right but it's nice to take a day off once in a while. I don't know when my next day off will be. I might have one 10 days from now if I'm lucky.

Escaping creepy stalker guy

2005-11-30T20:52:00.000-08:00

So the other day I get an e-mail from a friend warning me of this creep who fowarded my blog to my former employer who I was bitching about in the blog. This creep happens to work for the company I once worked for. It made my skin crawl and I wasn't able to sleep all night because how dare he track me down over a year after I got fired. I am being more discreet now and erased the old blog because I don't want this wad to follow my life. My blog was meant for friends, family and the occasional curious person. Not some dweeb who has nothing better to do with his time but to spy on people. Ewwww!